Usually we look at persuasion aimed at those Other Guys, everyone else, but you. Sometimes, however, the Other Guy is you as when you want to change a bad habit, strengthen a good one, or acquire a new routine. Self persuasion is still persuasion. Let’s consider one maven’s thoughts.
Paul Carr has a new book that describes how he broke his alcohol addiction. He disputes the method of Alcoholics Anonymous for many reasons, but persuasively employs the 12 Steps as his book’s structuring device.
Step One: Ask Yourself, “Do I Really Have a Problem?”
Step Two: Quit Publicly
Step Three: Don’t Fear Failure
Step Four: Pull Yourself Together
Step Five: Stop Lying
Step Six: Stop Apologizing
Step Seven: Rediscover Dating
Step Eight: Replace Your Ridiculous Drunken Stories With Ridiculous Sober Ones
Step Nine: Spend Money on Stuff You Won’t Lose
Step Ten: Take a Difficult Test
Step Eleven: Work Nicer, Not Just Harder and Smarter
Step Twelve: Forget Everything You’ve Just Read
As pop press self help books go, this one may not be bad persuasion advice, except for that final Step that tells Grasshopper to find a path that differs from Master Po’s. I once had a prof like this and I’d still beat him up if I saw him in public. You don’t lead students down the wrong path to help them find the right one. Call it Zen Then, Tao Now, or Tenure For Life, it’s always bad teaching in every culture, zeitgeist, or screenplay.
Past my bias for happy endings, Carr describes several persuasion principles in his renunciation of AA, most notably the principle that makes AA effective: Social norms. Carr calls this Public Quitting which is the same thing as standing up in an AA meeting and declaring, “Hi, I’m Grasshopper and I’m an alcoholic.” When you confess an identity to a group that has an interest in that identity, you are creating Norms that will pressure everyone to think, feel, and act in particular ways to the exclusion of others. Carr wants you to do this with your friends, coworkers, and family. AA adds strangers and God.
Beyond this major similarity with AA, Carr does provide other effective self persuasion plays. Most of them aim at getting you away from the past behavior – stop apologising, get new stories – that would change how you think about yourself. I also like his Self Challenge play. You need to push the boundaries and make the new habit stronger than the old one. Assuming it works, and that is a risk, you’re doing a Self Inoculation play where that which does not addict you makes you stronger.
Yet, all of his plays share one commonality: You always have to pull the trigger. Carr’s self help guidance flounders where all self help pilots hit the rocks: Will power. Hey, Grasshopper do this and that, then that and this, and you will find the way.
Truly, you will. But only if you have the will power. Most of us simply cannot summon the required self control that is required to kill a bad habit and nurture a good one. Many of the scientific and not so scientific Persuasion How-To’s we look at on the Persuasion Blog fail precisely for this reason. Yeah, you will lose weight if you buy and eat only raw veggies, soy milk, and Max Thinner Protein®. But, you’ve gotta do this under your own steam everyday for months or years and that’s will power.
Heck you don’t need to walk any farther than the nearest mirror to prove this. Just one glance and you see your failures leap off the surface. And, you know exactly why you failed and what you need to do to succeed. Look around your desk top or drawer or some computer file directory helpfully labeled, Quitting. You’ll find your plan to lose 20 pounds, quit smoking, stop gambling, and on and on with the list of afflictions we all share. So, what happened?
I smoked a pack a day for 13 years and would still be smoking if I knew it wasn’t killing me. And after 30 years of abstinence, I still get cravings to light up a filterless Lucky Strike and smoke my brains out. It took me over 5 years of failure before I quit in 1982, going cold turkey with a thick rubber band on my wrist that I snapped every time I had the urge to smoke. Pain beats impulse and after that first day, my wrist was bleeding. But, the nicotine cleared my system and by the next day, I didn’t need to snap nearly as often and by the end of the week, I was nearly clear. I wore the rubber band for several months if only as a threat. So. Why not add a thick rubber band to Carr’s list?
I don’t think I could have done it hard enough every day for a week. If the nicotine impulse had continued as strong every day as the first one, I would have run out of limbs, skin, and blood, but more likely, self control. Willing oneself to pain has limits.
There’s a voluminous literature on self control and regulation. Some of it illuminates what is politely called the Illusion of Control. I’d suggest that most pop press self help books like this operate exactly through that Illusion.
Now, Grasshopper.
Addiction is the powerful outcome of persuasion that resists change. Nothing works well, with simple steps, and easy application. When you combine substance dependence with habit you’ve got something close to Superman and Wonder Woman in your head. If you want to change, the science points to science and not self help. Realize that reading a self help book is your evil addiction’s way of keeping you addicted with the Illusion of Control.